Pretty in Pink, Wicked in Spurs

2012-01-22T17:04:00.004-06:00

So I came across this verse when I was pinteresting this afternoon. ("Pinteresting" = I was on Pinterest for an undisclosed amount of time browsing through everything that's been posted since the last time I was on Pinterest.) Anyway, the verse was Romans 12:12, "Let your hope make you glad. Be patient in time of trouble and never stop praying." So I looked it up to mark in my Bible, and lo and behold, it's a verse I already had memorized, and one that was going to be read at my wedding. The NIV version is much different though, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." So anyway, I did some searching and this version I found on Pinterest was the CEV (Contemporary English Version) translation. I made a mental note to check out different translations more often.

...

Patience. Something I've never been good at. What is patience? Webster's defines patience as, "the capacity, habit, or fact of being patient." This definition does nothing for me. However, it defines "patient" as "bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint." Guess what? This girl...is not patient. Unless "calmly" means "like a psycho" and "without complaint" means "crying and begging with God a thousand times every day."

So I decided to dissect the rest of this verse, and the word "hope" was another that stuck out. Last summer, I got a tattoo based on Hebrews 11:1-Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we don't see (NIV). This verse is one I claim to live by, but I've never investigated the word "hope" before. One of Webster's definitions is, "to desire with expectation of attainment."

Since I'm pessimistic, I don't "hope" very well, apparently. Cause the thins I want, I'm very unsure they will happen. Which makes me think my faith is shaky too. Just some general issues I'm having right now.

Faith Story (ish)

2012-01-15T13:40:00.000-06:00

...'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?... -"Blessings" by Laura Story

Today in church, we were encouraged to share part of our faith story in some way at least once during the season of Epiphany ("sharing the light") (1/8-2/17). The part of my story I'm sharing is what I'm currently going through, and since I've had several recent requests to "start blogging again," this seemed like a good place to start.

Right now I'm going through the most painful experience of my (perfect) life thus far. Now, before I start in, I want to make the following points blatantly clear: 1) This is an account of my perspective of an event that happened involving myself and another person. 2) What happened is between me and the other person is between me and the other person-you do not need to assume anything-you would only be making an ass of u and me. 3) I do not know the other person's "side of the story." 4) I am not the least bit upset at the other person for anything, nor should anyone else be, unless they know something I don't know.

Background: I became good friends with this guy over the past couple of years, someone I came to see as "my best friend." He became the person I talked to about everything, literally everything. If I'm sad about something I generally shut down, but I was comfortable with sharing things with him. If I was excited about something, I would chatter away and he'd listen, make fun of me, etc. When Josh and I broke up, he was the first person I called, and he had me laughing within a couple minutes. We spent a lot of time together last year, like he moved out of Ames and we still managed to see each other once or twice a week for supper/just to hang out. Even right before Christmas, he stopped by to see me on his way through Ames. Which is why a few days after Christmas, when he told me, over the phone, I "don't need to call him anymore," I was...shocked.

I didn't take it very well-I blamed myself but I couldn't figure out what I had done recently to upset him so much as to attempt to terminate our friendship. It would be safe to say I went a little psycho. Couldn't eat some days, couldn't go 3 minutes without thinking back over what I had done wrong and still not coming up with a plausible answer, couldn't be left alone without literally bursting into tears (one of life's interesting "unsolved mysteries"), couldn't sleep at night, kept trying to get him to talk to me. I shut down completely. I let my friends come see me, but only one at a time, and I let them do the talking while I did the sitting in a coma thing. This went on for about a week until one day I just realized that I had, in fact, not intentionally done anything. I've never spoke bad about him behind his back or given anyone reason to think ill of him, I've never spread a rumor about him, never told anyone anything he confided in me, just...nothing. I take my duties as a friend very seriously, and I really do my best to treat others as I would like them to treat me.

I've talked a tiny bit about what happened with a few friends, and almost all of them have reacted with some sort of negative comment about him. That is not helpful-I understand what they're trying to do, but this isn't a war, I don't need anyone "on my side" and what they're essentially doing is putting down my best friend for no reason, and I'm not okay with that at all. I don't know his side of the story (and neither does anyone else as far as I know), I don't know what he's going through. As much as I am hurt by his refusal to talk to me, he's obviously sore about something too, or he WOULD talk to me-friends don't just quit a working two-way friendship for no reason. While I have never intentionally done something to offend him, I would never deny the possibility that I did do something unintentionally. And I've done my best to make it clear that if I only understood what was wrong, I would do everything I could to fix it.

Here's where the "faith" part of the story comes in-an account of how my faith in a loving God is shaping my view on the world. I take being a disciple about as seriously as I take being a good friend (okay...I realize I should take it "more seriously" but I'm a Work In Progress). I love like it's nobody's business and I forgive without even meaning to. I actually confided in my pastor a few months ago that I finally understood my spiritual gifts to be "loving" and "forgiving." They just come easily to me.

Now I want to make this clear-I am not bragging. In fact, I see it as a burden some days-I am that person who cares the most in every single relationship I've ever had, and that makes me someone who gets hurt easy, and often. I'm over-sensitive, and a lot of times, I'm quite ashamed of it, cause, you know, we're supposed to be "tough" in this world, and I am not "tough" on my own (see Phil. 4:13). I cry all the time. It's a recent development, like the past 7 months maybe, and getting worse every day, but seriously...any movie that is slightly sappy has me bawling. UP is the worst. I watched it, not for the first time, last weekend and I was crying and sniffling so bad that my dad could hear me from the other side of the house and he made fun of me for crying during an animated movie. And that part in the last Harry Potter movie-you know what I mean, the Snape's Memory part...I cried in the (full) movie theater for that one. I am a wuss who gets hurt easy, but I also get over it easy (thankfully my "gifts" go hand in hand). Now I realize there's more to being a disciple than loving and forgiving, but those other aspects take work for me to develop, and I haven't started in on those just yet.

I think being thankful for trials in life is one of those things I need to work on. For the first couple weeks after my friend stopped talking to me, or whatever happened (cause I still don't understand), I prayed constantly for forgiveness-for him to forgive me and for me to fully forgive him, and of course, for him to "just fucking talk to me!" All I want is some communication to figure out what's going on and if it can be made right or not. I get bitter with God a lot about my suffering and anguish. For one thing, I realize that there are real tragedies in the world, and I'm ashamed that I'm so tore up about this friend, who, for all I know, might be perfectly fine, although I doubt it. For another thing, I'm tired of caring so much sometimes...

But a couple days ago I had kind of a revelation thing. I realized how grateful I am to know what it means to truly care about someone, and to think of others besides myself (Phil. 2:3-4). And I'm reading through Job right now (finishing tonight, although I read it a couple years ago so I know what's gonna happen) and it's helped to put things into perspective. Job is the first book of the Bible I ever read through, and I remember the first time I reached the end.

Random Tangent/Spoiler alert: I'm going to do a quick interpretation of the book of Job so you understand where I'm going with this: So Job's this righteous dude on Earth, and he's living a real good life, and God likes him (Job 1:8) and Satan's walking around and bumps into God and he's like, "Yeah well Job's only righteous cause You've been protecting him and making him prosperous" and God's like, "Go ahead. He's yours." (Job1-2) And so Satan takes everything away from Job. Job's friends come along and they're like, "Repent!" And Job's like, "I didn't do anything wrong! God, why are you doing this?... I don't understand, but Your ways are higher than mine, so I'm game." And this goes on for a while and then God finally "answers Job out of the storm" (Job 38:1). He's all like, "Where were you when I made the mountains and the seas? Where were you when I made the earth so it fit together perfectly? etc." And Job replies, "I know you're amazing and I'll never be able to understand it all!" (Job 42) And then there's some repenting and such and God gives Job more than he had before and the story has a fairy tale ending.

So as I'm reading through Job over the past week, I'm like, "Oh look, Job didn't do anything wrong, necessarily, and God tested him." Which got me thinking about things... And I think it was on Friday when I was praying and all of a sudden it hit me that I'm thankful for this suffering and distress, this "trial" that I'm going through. Because if it weren't for this, I wouldn't know what emotional distress felt like. The first 20.75 years of my life have been "perfect" and at times, even better than that. And when I was in church this morning, I thanked God for my suffering, for the first time. Now, it was a reluctant "thanks." And there was a sarcastic comment involved (I thought I was being funny, I wish I could remember the comment), but hey, I'm making an effort to be a better disciple.

Oh and this song likes to come across my radio when it's absolutely the last song I want to hear (ie-when I really "need" to hear the words), but it's pretty sweet so I thought I'd share it.

So...I guess to summarize, God is doing something great in my life right now, even though I don't currently see it. And I know He's doing something great because He shows me. Through the story of Job, which, not ironically, fell into my reading plan right when I needed to hear it. He shows me through this song, among others, which comes on the radio right when I need to hear it, but of course would never look it up myself (because I don't necessarily want to hear it). And no matter how upset I get about things, I could never turn my back on God. I've tried. It doesn't work. I cannot do anything on my own. For example, trying to talk to my friend: not working, as far as I can see. Praying for my friend: working (even though I don't see it yet). I know it works because I've prayed specific things for people before, and eventually, good comes out of the bad. So no matter how stupid I appear to people, I am hopeful. I remain hopeful that a "miracle" will occur one of these days, that a phone call will be returned, that a supper invitation will be extended. And most of all, that I will, eventually, understand what's happening, and why.

It feels kinda good to get this off my chest.

Life Adjustments

2011-06-25T21:24:00.001-05:00

Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything?-Sara Bareilles

So I haven't blogged in awhile. 2 primary reasons. 1. I'm legitimately busy. 2. I don't want people looking at my life right now, one of my close friends said my life closely resemble's Annie's from the movie Bridesmaids. No objection there.

I'm a mess, why hide it? I got dumped a month before my wedding, no big deal. I didn't hardly blink an eye about that. Seriously, not a big deal, and I'm fine with that.

But I didn't realize that in breaking off our engagement Josh meant to break off our friendship. That thought didn't cross my mind for a while, and didn't actually set in until earlier this week, when I realized that I was supposed to be a wife right now, and I've got nobody. And it's been a huge adjustment. With company of good friends I'm making the adjustment.

Of course, I avoid pain at all costs. So in order to not feel any of my sad emotions take over, I've done everything in the book short of taking drugs. A couple weeks ago I got a tattoo after thinking about it for 2 days. Last night I got legitimately drunk for the first time. Don't get me wrong, it was really fun. For me. Maybe not for other people. I was having a blast...I kept catching the balls in beer pong (they let me keep playing cause I was wearing sexy cutoffs I think) and when it came time to leave I didn't want to go, so my babysitter came and picked me up and carried me out.

When I stop to think about my behavior problems, I see that it looks like I'm falling apart. But I'm not. I'm finding out who I am. Don't judge me, because I never judge you either.

New post

2011-05-15T13:25:00.000-05:00

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1 (I think but didn't check)

One of my friends got on my case for not blogging in a month. Well...I've been busy. A quick summary: finished up all my wedding plans; dead week week, went to Oregon for soil judging; finals week...somehow failed most of my exams and kept a 3.5 gpa (I know how to work the system); then Tulip Time; just this past week- wisdom teeth removal; died and came back to life (seriously, but that's a story for another time); went to my fiance's college graduation and had a blast; had marriage counselling; got dumped after 4 years; and moved into my apartment by myself yesterday. And here I am. And I'm fine (still in shock) but even when I go through the grieving stage, I'll be fine. I never imagined that every song Taylor Swift ever wrote could apply to me, but they clearly do.

Liz, this is dedicated to you. :p

I'm in love with Judas, baby!

2011-04-17T20:05:00.001-05:00

So last Friday Lady Gaga released her new single, Judas. Shockingly, many people were offended. Okay, not shockingly. But still. It irritates me. Probably because I basically never get offended.

But the main reason it annoys me when people get all riled up is because it's always "Christians." In this case. Gaga offended many religious groups with her song Judas. I'm not sure how, as it's about a Christian who loves sinning. Um.....don't we all? I mean, it's time to step up to the plate Christians-Jesus is the only one who's never sinned! We all sin, whether accidentally or on purpose, we like what we're doing!

So if you're a Christian, you should really be thinking about whether you're hard-hearted like the Pharisees of Jesus's day or soft-hearted and willing to address your sin, which is what you believe in if you really follow Jesus.

So it's been a while...

2011-03-21T22:26:00.000-05:00

~"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal."-Isaiah 26:4

As I sit here avoiding typing my lab report for a class I despise and a professor whom I can't find nice things to say about, I realized it had been 3 weeks since I wrote anything. Oops.

I just came across the bulletin from church yesterday, and I scribbled all over the back of it. Before I throw it out, I'm going to share what I took for notes.

1. agape is love. It is NOT touchy-feely "love," but it is the love that Jesus had for us-an attitude adjustment, a committment.
2. kosmos is the Greek word for "world." To go into a greater depth, kosmos is an entity that is at complete enemity with God, a God-hating world.
With this in mind, read John 3:16. "For God so agaped the (God-hating) world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
I hope that's powerful for you, because it was for me.

Well I don't have a whole lot of thoughts right now. The thoughts I have at this moment are mostly about school and how much I hate every class I'm taking this semester except for one. Well...maybe 2. My two electives. But I hate Geology, Meteorology, Psychology, and Horticulture. Horticulture is the class I'm despising right now. It'll only take me an hour or so to write my 13 page lab report...but that's because I do half-ass, actually less than half-ass, work for professors I can't stand.

On the positive side, I rode my mule last week, so that's always beneficial for my health and the health of those around me. Cause I'm more tolerable when my needs have been met. ;)

A picture of me at my finest (well sort of...finest would be a real nice trail somewhere, but for some reason nobody ever has a camera on them)

Reasoning

2011-03-07T20:09:00.001-06:00

"'Come now, let us reason together,' says the Lord. 'Though you sins are like scarlet, they shall as be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'"-Isaiah 1:18

What a concept. I discovered this verse last night when I was running through my favorite verses of Isaiah (so far).

It seems ridiculous, to me, that God-who is perfect, who is everything good, powerful, awesome, all-knowing-would want to 'reason together' with me. Which makes me think, what did they think back then? I mean, here's this crazy dude (Isaiah) in this society that's so f-ed up they don't even realize it, and he's telling them that God wants to make a deal, that if they clean up their act they can be completely forgiven and made white as snow. What a crazy idea!

I have an advantage on them-I know Jesus. I know that in this verse, God is talking about shedding His innocent blood...to make my life pure again.

But still...when I come across a verse like this, I just have to stop and think for a moment about how incredible this is for me to believe today. I know it's true, God forgives and washes me clean every day, but it's hard to forgive myself, and to see myself as something that's new.

The Manifesto of a Little Monster

2011-03-01T19:13:00.000-06:00

"Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? ..."-Malachi 2:10

Confession: I adore Lady Gaga. I am a Little Monster for sure...I have all her music, a few of her better videos, a T-shirt, and a Gaga Halloween costume. I think she is fantastic. Her songs are well-written, have good beats, and, in the case of many, impart a good message. But my favorite part about Lady Gaga is her videos...each one more "edgy" than the rest. I did not particularly care for the "Alejandro" video, I like to pretend that didn't happen, but as soon as I got out of class yesterday I came back to watch "Born This Way." And I was not disappointed.

Let me introduce you, if you haven't seen it yet. I think it's amazing-the way it opens up, the disgustingness of some scenes, Gaga's lovely...dancing... and I am partial to the skeleton scenes and the pop culture scenes (Madonna anyone?). Viewer Discretion Advised...as if you'll take caution, ha!

Discipline

2011-02-25T00:46:00.000-06:00

"But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." -2 Timothy 4:5

Ministry. That's one of those things that I want but I don't know how to get. I want to be like a youth group leader or something, but I "don't have time for it." Literally. Without dropping something, I don't have time for it. So it's one of those things that I pray in circles about. I want the guidance, but I don't, at the same time. :/

In other news....I submitted an application for an apartment this week! I'm a big kid now!

Academically, this week has been ridiculous. Even to the point of being mildly stressful (even for me! And I don't care about school that much!). And to all those who had to deal with slight crabbiness, sorry.

And also I miss Josh (it's been 3 weeks!) and I miss my mules (it's been 5 days!). And I'm ready to get out of here. So tomorrow afternoon I'm bailing on my classes and getting the heck home!

I finished up reading the New Testament this week. That was fun. And I was really excited to read Isaiah. Well. It's now day 2. And...Isaiah is not "easy to read" like Philippians, for example. I have 2 Bibles open right now. TWO! One so I can write notes in, and one so I can read the footnotes and understand what's happening, because this would have no purpose if I didn't understand it. This is the most self-disciplined I've ever been in my life. It would be neater if this was 9 pm instead of 12:30 am, but if I wasn't exhausted, then it wouldn't be discipline anymore.

Hahaha, if I studied this hard for school...well, I'd have no friends cause I'd be a nerd. However, what's this studying for if I don't apply it? Next week's goal: Affect people positively rather than negatively.

Learning to Unbelieve

2011-02-23T02:05:00.002-06:00

"I urge you, brothers (and sisters), for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them." -Romans 16:17

Paul was the man. When he was converted, he just ran around telling everyone about how awesome his God was, and confronting the cultures about their corrupt ways and how they should be changed. This is a really hard thing to do! Here I am, trying to not become corrupt by my surroundings, and I'm so busy trying to hold my ground that I can't hardly even begin to confront others. And as far as keeping away from those that cause divisions.... those that cause divisions...are those to whom we are drawn. In my case, anyway. Or maybe I'm causing the divisions...I am sorta self-destructive by nature.

...

I'm writing this as I catch up on the sermon I missed Sunday from my church in Ames (I went home this weekend). And the sermon is about learning to unbelieve, and the first thing the pastor talks about is this book of "Sunday School myths":

10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe - by Larry Osborne

1. Faith can fix anything
2. Forgiving means forgetting
3. A godly home guarantees godly kids
4. God has a blueprint for my life
5. Christians shouldn't judge
6. Everything happens for a reason
7. Let your conscience be your guide
8. God brings good luck
9. A valley means a wrong turn
10. Dead people go to a better place

And I get it. We need to learn to "unbelieve" these things we've learned and been taught. And live in the Light of God's truth.

Prayer

2011-02-19T01:36:00.000-06:00

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."~Colossians 4:2

A well-worn Bible

A well-worn Bible with my personal notes and markings (mostly from church sermons)

Random verses that I'm memorizing/have memorized...
they're posted everywhere on my side of the room

I love Francis Chan. At 1 am, knowing I have to get up at 7, I'd rather watch one of his sermons than sleep. But this brings up something about my nature that I struggle with: I've been listening and reading a lot lately, and very good about my Bible reading schedule, I go to church every week and watch sermons I miss (since I'm in 2 churches but can only go to one/week) but my prayer life is... sketchy.

Sad day. Because when I pray, and I don't mean the two-minute-end-of-the-day wrap-up, I pray. It's...a gift. Something I'm good at, and not afraid to do in front of others. Of course, verbal communication would be my gift haha!

But when I do something "bad," on purpose, I get to "hiding" from God, in a way. And then I start avoiding prayer a bit. And then little by little...I stop. Not totally, I still have that one end-of-the-day prayer. But the praying all day bit...It's gone. And I feel the absence, but I'm not sure how to get it back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1V7X3o03Ds

"If you want to humble a man, why don't you ask him about his prayer life?" -Chan

I just told you about my prayer life. How's yours?

I'm beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistakes

2011-02-16T18:14:00.000-06:00

"I tell you that...there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."~Jesus, Luke 15:7

How many of you are familiar with the story of the prodigal son? The first definition (for prodigal) that comes up on google is "a recklessly extravagant consumer." I don't know about you, but if you're in America (like me), this probably describes you (like it describes me).

My Bible heads the story "The Parable of the Lost Son." Here it is: Luke 15:11-32....

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
   ¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
   ¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
   “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
   ²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
   ²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
   ²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
   ²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
   ³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I bring this up for a few reasons, so bear with me.

1. The verse up top: Luke 15:7 came from a (Francis Chan, of course) sermon that I was listening to last night. I really need to branch out but there are 75 more sermons by Francis Chan on the database I found, so for the next 3 months anyway, that's who I'm listening to/reading/sharing with you fine folks.

Anyway, the sermon was "God's Love For Messed-Up People." And that pretty much describes the 35 minutes. And that pretty much describes me. Not that I love messed-up people, but that I am one. One thing Chan mentioned was that the self-righteous people are the ones who are least likely to repent (as opposed to "hard-core" sinners). I hope that I am not self-righteous, although I know that pride is one of my...downfalls...even though I'm too "proud" to think so!

2. (And this is supposed to be reasons for sharing the story of the lost son)

This story came up last week. My dad, Josh, and I were on a walk, and we were talking about my brother. It really bothers Dad (I think) that Chris is turning out the way he is: a rebellious hellion. I'm pretty sure he (subconsciously) sees it as partially his own fault. On one hand, I think so. But that's because I saw this all coming a loooong time ago, and things were a little different. On the other hand, I think they (Dad and Mom...I guess I'll include her too) did everything they could. I mean, they really didn't treat him any differently than me, he just...reacted differently, for lack of better words. And it sort of makes sense: everyone is different and reacts differently.

So we're walking along and Dad's sharing how he feels that things will turn around....I should back up a step. I see the world through "uncolored" eyes and so I've seen things in Chris that I didn't like from day one. Fact. My parents did not. They saw with "colored" eyes and maybe still do. But they see more reality now as Chris's actions become more rebellious.

So we're walking along and Dad's sharing how he feels that things will turn around. Eventually. And I recently read Luke, so I piped up, "Yeah, like the prodigal son." And so we talked about how the father in the story is so happy to see his son return, and Dad was saying he's sure that will happen someday. But first Chris will have to go through a lot more shit. And knowing Chris like I do, I'm sure our family will be living out this story.

3. I want to be a youth group leader/minister when I grow up. Or now. Whenever the opportunity arises. And this is one of the sermons that I want to preach because it's so awesome! This son goes off and squanders everything he has, and when he comes back, his father is soooo happy to see him! What an amazing story. It is never too late to return to our Father. And He'll always take us back, no matter what! Wrapping us up in His love with a joy that nothing can compare to!

So remember that if you're a sinner like me. :)

ps, the blog title comes from the new Lady Gaga song, "Born This Way," and I'd highly recommend that we all live by every lyric in the song!

Praise the God who gives...and takes away

2011-02-14T23:36:00.001-06:00

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ~Hebrews 11:1

So there have been a few times in the past year when I've thought about how my life would be different if I were single. And there have always been aspects that I've been slightly envious of in single people. For one, I wouldn't have to hear the lectures about how "you're so busy and you're never home!"

And I've always been able to remind myself of what I have. Josh is the most wonderful man I could ever ask for, in fact, I would never think of asking for him if it hadn't just happened, because he's waaay out of my league. And of course we're so far into the wedding planning, I'm game to just keep going. But it takes two being all in to make it work.

And now, due to no fault of my own, ironically, he's thinking about calling it quits. We just want different things all of a sudden, and he's done working with it. I'm not going to hold him back, he has that right, we aren't married yet. And I'm looking at the single life a hell of a lot different now that I'm so close. I can't find one single aspect of it that I'm okay with. It could be that the biggest trial of my life is right around the corner.

Just as I was about to post this, "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns came on my iTunes. So ironic. And maybe prophetic?

a good time to blog about this

2011-02-13T22:30:00.000-06:00

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."~1 John 3:18

Valentine's Day. Bothers me. So much. I guess I think it's dumb how it's such a big deal. We spend so much money on cards and flowers so we can celebrate "love" this one day a year. Well I'm sorry, but this year I spent $.99 on an adorable card and called it good. And Josh won't even be getting his card on time because I haven't mailed it yet. I'll probably just hand it to him the next time I see him, which is 2-3 weeks from now.

I don't even like the kinds of flowers stores sell (red roses especially turn me off); hopefully I've got Josh trained by now to not get me the same things as everyone else. I realize that because of his sweet nature, he'll probably get me something. That's cute. As long as it's not expensive and/or flowers.

The thing that bothers me the most about Valentine's Day is that it's the one day a year people think it's okay to stick their tongues down each others' throats. For extended periods of time. In public. With lots of people around. Newsflash: that will never be okay. Ever.

And as far as Valentine's Day being "a day to appreciate love" or some such crap: that's bullshit. I either want appreciation evenly distributed over 365 days/year or none at all. Anniversaries are a good time to celebrate love in an extra special way. That's the only time it should be predictable. Otherwise, I want a random homeade gift at a random time.

And let's all rub it in that if you're single, you're worthless! Way to go Hallmark, Kay's Jewelers, etc!

Whether you're married, dating, single, whatever...celebrate the holiday in a classy way. And keep your tongues in your own mouths when I'm around, and I'll do the same for you. Thanks!

How to serve?

2011-02-02T11:09:00.001-06:00

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."-Ephesians 2:10

Wow. So I'm at work right now, since we got the morning off school, this is me being productive. And I'm listening to a sermon by Francis Chan. A sermon titled: "What Every Christian Needs to Do Part 4/5-Serve." And wow.

I'm so inspired right now, but I don't know what to do. I literally stopped what I was doing to write this.

How would you feel if only half of your body was working? Only half to two-thirds of the Church serves. Guess who's in the minority, like always? Yeah. Me. Wow. Wake up call!

How can I serve the Church? I mean, don't get me wrong, but how can I serve? This is something I've struggled with since last summer. It started off when I started going to 2 church services on Sundays-the church my parents attend followed directly by the church that Josh has always attended. And I was so stretched out, and stressed out because my Sunday was so crowded. I was discovering new opportunities at my "new" church while struggling to break ties, in a sense, with my "old" church.

Things got easier when the preacher left my old church. I mean, it sucked-I literally still went to that church because he was there, and I miss him a lot. But also, it was the perfect opportunity to become strictly an occasional visitor to that church. So naturally, when I started only attending one church, Sundays got better. But I still don't know how to serve.

And now I go to a church in Ames every Sunday I'm up here. A church I love. So I attend two churches regularly, even listening to the sermons online of whatever church I missed, but I still don't know how to serve. It's nice only going to one church every week, but it's still frustrating to essentially miss church half the time.

So I guess to prevent me from driving myself crazy, I'm asking you to pray for opportunities for me to serve the Church. Because I can't stand not being productive, and as long as I'm not serving the Church, I'm not being productive. Thanks, and much love to all :)

ps-I'm sure the opportunity will present itself as soon as I slow down a bit in school...or graduate...haha, maybe that's what we should direct our prayers to!

Careful: This Contains Deep Reflections

2011-01-25T23:14:00.002-06:00

~Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

I got an email today from a friend wanting some of my favorite Bible verses. A year ago, I'm not sure I would've had any. Today, I rattled off like 15 in 10 minutes, and that was limiting it, to make sure that I only had one verse/book. Then I ran out of time so that was all I sent.

The first verse that came to mind was Philippians 2:3-4. I thought back about the origins of this verse in my life, which is what (ironically) triggered the Bible memorization in the first place, and I laughed out loud a little. God sure does work in the very most mysterious of ways! Anyway, hard work and a large time commitment (time with God= avg. loss of 1 hour of sleep/day) paid off.

I'm reading the book Forgotten God by Francis Chan right now. I read Crazy Love last summer, and if I hadn't spent the past several months reading Mere Christianity (Lewis) I would've already returned to dear Francis-I highly recommend checking his books out, maybe even googling a sermon or two. :)

Anyway the chapter I'm in right now is addressing personal image issues. Like...how I might feel awkward reading that book in public, because I might not want people to think I'm "weird" or something. On one hand, I don't care what people think (really, I don't!) but on the other hand, I haven't exactly told everyone I know what a wonderful book it is...so...GUILTY!

And I am a Jesus freak for sure. I mean, I'm crazy about my God and everything He's done! And I (secretly) live my life different from most people I know. And Chan addresses the issue that believers' lives (in general, in America) don't look any different from unbelievers' lives. Guilty again.

Prime example: "Shannon, why don't you drink?" Me, "Uh.....I don't like the taste." (I don't drink because as a follower of Christ, His ambassador to the world, I know it's morally wrong for me to drink, etc. and whenever I have, I feel a distance from God), but rarely/probably never have I ever...said so. Guilty yet again.

And for the record, Josh and I have abstained from sex in all its forms. Another thing that I'm really proud of, but I don't go around broadcasting it like I should. In fact, as much as I know about purity and its purpose and the dangers of the promiscuous culture I live in, I don't just tell people: when it comes up, I'm sheepish about something where I should be proud! I don't tell people what a wonderful relationship we have; I don't tell people I know we'll have one of the best marriages I (and many of you) will ever witness. And when I don't tell people, I'm in danger of forgetting (again).

I don't tell people how Christ has changed me. Or that I'm extreme in the way I worship Him. There's a time and a place for that. Or is there? Absolutely not! The very first thing people should know about me is that I'm a practicing Christian! But for some reason, I only share this with my closest friends. Fail.

BUT MY GOD GIVES SECOND/THIRD/MILLION/BILLIONS OF CHANCES!!!!! And with Him, I can change. And now that I know you're all watching me, looking for me to stumble in my faith...challenge accepted. I'm not perfect, but He is. And I hope that you will see Him in me.

If you're interested in more information, music, book recommendations (I have a library), etc, facebook me or email me at shannon1@iastate.edu.

so much to do, soooo little time!

2011-01-18T18:27:00.001-06:00

~2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

So much to do: story of my life. Somehow it all gets done!

Right now the biggest challenge in my life is wedding invitations. I gave my parents a bit of an ultimatum: we either get the ones I want, or I'm sending out a facebook invitation only (which excludes lots of family and is "tacky"). So we've finally settled on an invitation, but now I need to pick out a phrase for the inside of the invitation. There's only 10,000,000 to chose from. Luckily, most of them are sickening, which narrows it down to about 25. I'm shocked that I like that many of them! :)

In 5 months from today, I marry Josh. Am I freaked out? yes. I am. Very. Not necessarily at the marriage part. Mostly at the wife part. Or the...yeah it's the wife part. What if I'm not good at it? That's likely, given my many faults. I mean, I've cooked once, maybe twice in my life. I can't even get cookies in the oven without eating half the raw dough first!

And I'm selfish. Very selfish. I always have been, but I could never figure out why. Maybe my parents spoiled me. Okay, my parents did spoil me. Mostly my daddy. But that's because I have always been an angel.

I think I'm getting more cooperative as I age. I give generously to the church, which is a good sign. And I share my mule with Rylie and other children. And my friends. Also an improvement. But when it comes to getting things my way, there's no options. I do get my way. I do what I want, pretty much when I want, and I tend to get what I want. So far this hasn't really been an issue for Josh, as far as I'm aware. But maybe it is. Maybe he's nice and just lets me have my way to prevent arguments. Or maybe my way is legitimately the good for everyone. Likely :)

And people keep referring to me as being "tied down." (insert bitchiness here) I'm not sure what this means, but I will most certainly NOT be this. Silly people, this isn't the 1800's; I do in fact have more opportunites than most men because I am female, and I do intend to take said opportunities. And Josh is being stubborn, like we can only live within a certain distance of Pella, Iowa, but when push comes to shove, I am positive that if I feel like I need to live in Texas or New Zealand, I will be doing so. And I'm not sure I'll be making a permanent settlement in Pella. But at this point in time, who knows?

Randoms for the New Year

2011-01-13T01:22:00.000-06:00

~Galations 5:13, "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92isX62fv1g

Shannon is obsessed with this song, "Haunted." Actually, I am obsessed with Taylor Swift in general. And so I will see her in concert in May! Theory: You only live here once. Might as well live it.

I am also a big fan of "Change This Heart" by Sidewalk Prophets." Here are the amazing lyrics.

I've been trying to run away from this harsh reality
no matter where I turn my back You're always right in front of me.
And so I push you away but I don't know that I'm wrong.
I don't know the words to say to make my faith that strong

So I will pray to You right now
to take away my sin
heal away my brokenness
and change this heart again.
Without you I am nothing
but a weak and dying man,
so I will pray to You right now
change this heart again

What is going through the motions if my life is still the same?
Everyday's the same old puzzle all the pieces re-arranged.
And I refuse Your help out of my own selfish pride.
Lord I have so many messes to cover up and hide

So I will pray to You right now
to take away my sin
come heal away my brokenness
and change this heart again.
Without You I am nothing
but a weak and dying man
So I will pray to You right now
change this heart again

Also, I think this is the greatest video ever made. Especially with New Year's changes and all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtcwQwgdsA&ob=av2nm

Ecuador Photos

2011-01-09T22:22:00.000-06:00

~2 Corinthians 5:17, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come."

This verse will be on my mind as I begin this new year. I get married on June 18, which I'm excited about. And I have to get past a couple things on my mind, which is going to continue to be challenging. But I'm sure that with God and good friends, we'll have some good times :)

Here are some photos from my trip to Ecuador December 27-January 4.

Quito, Ecuador-located in the mountains

Giant rose at a rose farm

standing on the Equator

cute roadside calf

an interesting way to sell your product

The devil's face carved into the side of a mountain

mule!

giant leaf

mule! The mules weren't part of the tour provided by ISU,
but I did inform some people about these wonderful critters :)

pineapple

inside of a banana plant

I thought the mango looked neat in the dead and green vegetation

pretty flower in a lime tree

biker dude

proud peacock

view of the Pacific Ocean from my balcony

getting ready to go tubing in the ocean!

New Year's Eve festivities

fires all along the beach

getting ready to go to the ocean again

pretty bird

Rice plantation-rice at the beginning, middle, and last stages of development

Guayaquil-largest city (population) in Ecuador

church steeple!

heaven :)

heaven again :)

First Experience Abroad

2010-12-30T23:42:00.000-06:00

Proverbs 13:20, ¨He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.¨

Right now I´m in Ecuador for study abroad. It´s been a great experience! Monday morning I got on a plane for the first time. It was AWESOME! Flew from Des Moines to Chicago to Miami to Quito, Ecuador. Then, when we were landing in Quito, which is atop a mountain, we started going up again! After flying around aimlessly for a bit the pilot said we couldn´t land cause of the fog. So we went to Guayaquil. And sat on the plane. For about 2 hours. Then came back. At 3:30 in the morning we unloaded from a plane that should´ve been there at 10:30. Oh well, such is life.

The next day, Tuesday, we ate a fantastic breakfast at the hotel then went to go on a farm tour. My favorite part was the riding the bus part. I saw so many things, even though we were driving ridiculously and I couldn´t get any good pictures. We had some cool discussions though and got to know one another pretty well.

Then yesterday morning we travelled to another little town, I can´t think of what´s it´s called just now. The drive through the lush mountains was fantastic! I opened my window and rode with my head and shoulders out for a while, til I got in trouble.

We went on a tour of a tree farm (where I saw a mule AND a donkey!), a pineapple farm, and a palm oil extraction facility. The last place gave us free baseball caps. Always a plus, especially since I noticed that I have about half an inch of blonde-ish hair growing atop the brunette.

Today we went on a tour of a banana farm, which was very cool, and a tobacco leaf farm that has 2000 employees. It was quite ginormous.

Favorite things:

1. the airplane when it takes off

2. the airplane if I´m in a window seat

3. food. all food. but especially piña (pineapple juice) and all the ways they cook meat here

4. ¨The more you play with it, the wetter it gets!¨ -Dr. Lee Burras. He was talking about a particular type of soil. We were all thinking, ¨That´s what she said!¨

5. friends. and hanging out together all the time

6. the Spanish language! I´m finally putting it to use!

7. every time I see a mule. or donkey. especially when I look at a bunch of horses and within .001 seconds I have the one mule picked out. from a distance. (it´s a talent)

8. the weather. even the rain is nice

9. COFFEE! it´s so good here I can drink it black!

Lesser favorite things:

1. smoking in public is common here. I´m allergic.

2. there are some trash problems, especially in poor areas

3. poor areas

4. no toilet paper in a lot of public restrooms

5. Josh and I can´t seem to be on facebook at the same time. I just want a live facebook chat!

6. it´s very hard to take pictures from the bus

That is a short summary of my trip so far. This way I won´t have to tell all the details so many times :)

Forgiven

2010-12-12T17:11:00.001-06:00

~Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."-1 Corinthians 9:24

"I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it but because, by it, I see everything else."

"...a Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, but a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin over again after each stumble..."-(both) C.S. Lewis

I'm a contradiction. I always have been. When I was in about 8th or 9th grade, every sentence I said contradicted itself or the surrounding sentences. My actions fall short of my beliefs and I'm one of the poorest decision-makers I know. I told someone recently that the best decision I made was to pierce my nose (spur of the moment decision): what does that say about me?

The worst decisions I make are when something contradicts my beliefs, but seems pleasurable in my mind. Somehow, I manage to make myself think that it's okay to do that: God will forgive me. I can go to a party, I can take a sip of alcohol and still claim to not drink, it's okay to sample everything a little bit...you get the picture. That's just one example. Another would be when I got pissed for getting a speeding ticket for the one time I drove 70 in a 65-I just tried to justify it by explaining how normally I drive 85 not 70, so this time I wasn't really doing anything wrong. But I was graciously reminded that 70 is still speeding and has the same penalty as 85.

One good that has come out of periodical falls: I am less apt to judge people harshly. Because I've put on a false face a time or two, I am sure as hell in no position to judge others who do the same. Reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis has helped influence my perspective as well. And the music I listen to (check out "Forgiven" by Sanctus Real) points out that our God is one who is loving and forgiving (for reference google "Jesus"). I mean, who gives up their own perfect life for the life of sinners like me? If that's not love, ... well, it is love, there's no alternative.

Which brings me to my next point: I became a Christian in May and have been reading Christian resources ever since, trying to be better, trying to live it. And in church this morning, I was thinking about some of the books I've been reading recently and came up with random proof of this God and Christianity thing. I wrote them down on the program and will present them here:

Shannon's Random Proof of Christianity (scribbled on paper as "Reasons to Believe Christianity")
1. Genesis explains where we came from. (Genesis 1 to be precise)
2. How would Noah have known to build an ark if God hadn't told him? (Genesis 6-9)
3. How could a virgin be pregnant if it wasn't the work of God? (google "what causes pregnancy" if unsure)
4. We know Jesus was sinless. Think about it: here's this dude, running around, performing miracles, and claiming to be the "Son of God." Don't you think everyone was watching Him closely? Surely Judas or one of the others would've mentioned it if He'd sinned. But nobody could find a fault in Him. (check out the ending of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, or random places in the New Testament for reference)
5. The supernatural miracles that Jesus performed-enabling the blind man to see, healing the 10 lepers, and feeding 5,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, just to name a small percentage, were obviously not from a normal man. But from a God-man. (reference Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John)
6. He rose from the dead. And walked around, talking to people. There were witnesses. (Matthew 28)

As far as living it out...eh. I'm sure that I'm no worse than I've ever been, maybe even better, by the standards of this world. But because I know and am acutely aware of right and wrong (prayer will do that to ya) my errors stand out (to me) more so than before I was a Christian (Christian=God's little buddy). And it can be hard for me to forgive myself, or to even let myself see the truth of my actions. But I'm working on it. After all, I'm a Christian, and my purpose on this earth is to become "a little Christ" in order to show Christ's love to others so we can all party in Heaven someday. I'm messed up, but God loves me anywyay, and He loves you too. :)

(This is how I use my time at school. I have 3 finals this week and plan to study for approximately zero of them.) Ha.

Wedding Planning

2010-12-05T18:12:00.001-06:00

Philippians 4: 6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I could rant on and on about how horrible last week was. But I won't. Putting the past behind me. I will say this-since I've been "born again," my attitude has been affected in hundreds of positive ways. Like when I was driving home Friday, I couldn't have had a more worshipful heart.

I finished up my unfortunate week by going to a friend's wedding Saturday night. Here's a couple pictures.

The bride and groom's first dance.

Josh and I with our flower girl-also the flower girl for this wedding :)

195 days until my own wedding. I'm not panicking yet, but that is a deadline, and.... We have basically nothing done. We have the big things-preacher, location and reception location, ceremony music (which includes Bon Jovi) and Bible verses (all non-traditional), dress and new cowboy boots for myself :), flower girl, bridesmaids and Man of Honor, and photographer.

Sometimes I think this would be easier to plan if my parents weren't included. They tell me they'll pay for this or that, they'll take care of this or that...they are not taking care of any details yet and I'm starting to worry a little bit. If my bank account was big enough, we'd've had everything done/ordered already (invitations, decorations, cake). And they-Mom- keep trying to give me instructions and advice. This shows how little they know about me. Unless I ask for said advice, I will not listen to it and then she just gets all worked up.

Sample conversation from this summer:

(Setup: Josh and I got engaged and chose to set the date for next summer, and I will still be in school. Dad says he won't pay for the wedding cause I won't do things his way. I say, "I don't care. I have money and a job." To my knowledge, Dad and I are both fine with the situation... Mom and I are on our way home from looking at dresses, where we were limited to the $99 rack because I'm not stupid enough to blow all my money on a damn dress. Now we're on our way home.)

Mom: "I just don't know why you can't compromise a little bit. I've been trying to talk to him but he refuses to pay for your wedding if it's outside...I just wish you two weren't so stubborn!"

Me (nonchalantly): "That sucks."

Mom (getting worked up over nothing, it seems): "I just want you to be able to have a nice wedding!"

Me (just as nonchalantly as before): "Don't worry. We'll make sure everyone knows to bring their own lawnchairs and a dish for a potluck supper. My friends will all understand. It'll be fine."

Mom (somewhat hysterical at this point): "Why do you think everything has to go your way all the time? Can't you just compromise a little bit? Just leave Razzle home and we'll see if he'll give in, at least a little bit."

Me (calmly and business-like): "Yeah that's not gonna happen. Razzle is my best friend. This is my only wedding. It's going to be my way."

Mom (on the verge of tears and getting very worked up): "You are just like your dad! I want to help you out so you'll be able to have a nice wedding! But if you insist on everything going your way, that's fine! I'll just have to be embarrassed about it and make sure I don't invite any of my friends!"

Me (just as calm as before): "Okay. ... You know, they can come if they bring a dish for supper."

For the record, Dad gave in and decided that they'd pay. But not for the photographer or my footwear, apparently.

Of course I'm not easy to work with. Dress shopping: white only, no train, not strapless, not lacy, no veil, no bouquet...I know it was frustrating for the dress shop ladies to work with that, but we managed. And of course I won't do traditional vows either-I'm writing my own. The ceremony exit music will be Bon Jovi. And we're riding off into the sunset on Razzle.

Non-traditional, to say the least. But Josh and I are working well together, and that's all I can ask for. Everyone else can get over their issues or shut the hell up :) Cause one thing's for sure, I am my own boss, this is my only wedding, and even if things don't get done til the last minute, they'll go my way.

Life is EXHAUSTING

2010-11-29T17:16:00.000-06:00

~"God is our (my) refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."-Psalm 46:1

Back at school...Class/work hardcore 8-5 every day, followed by an event every night Sun (last night)-Thurs. The two big projects I have this week I've known about forever, but I haven't finished them yet. I'm burnt out as heck and ready for this semester to end.

Today I woke up and was sick. I had to go to my 8 am class in case of attendance. There was attendance today so I'm glad I went, but I slept the whole time so it did me no good as far as learning. Then I skipped my other 2 classes because I went back to my dorm and fell into a comasleep. Jenni walked in and I remember telling her hi but I think I grunted it. And fell back asleep. Then I woke up for lunch completely refreshed 3 hours later.

Even my Bible is exhausted. I keep it on my loft next to my mattress, and when I reached up earlier to grab my phone I bumped my Bible a little and a corner of the cover fell daintily to the floor. It's a sign.

I Got the Magic in Me!

2010-11-24T10:55:00.001-06:00

~Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.-Matthew 6:34

Being home is fun. Well, once I finally got there it was fun. I helped with a middle school FFA event last Saturday and didn't start heading home until Saturday night.

I had just gotten off I-80 when my speedometer went down to zero. Now, for those of you who know of my famous driving, you realize that I was going 70+ (I usually don't actually disclose my speed). Just after that, when I was on the phone with Josh, I noticed a little boxy icon thing lit up on my dash-I call it the "check engine" light although I'm not entirely sure that's the part it represents. Anyway, Josh tells me to keep driving it, it's fine. 10 seconds later my car stops running. So I pull over and call Daddy.

(Ring, ring) Mom: "Hello?"

Me (calmly): "Hey Mom. My car just stopped running by Bass Pro."

Mom: "Hang on, here's dad."

Dad (nonchalantly): "Hi."

Me (even more calmly): "Hey Dad. My car just stopped running. It was like that time sophomore year except I knew what was happening so I pulled over safely. I'm by Bass Pro on Highway 65."

Dad: "You got off the Interstate and now you're on the road by Bass Pro Shops?"

Me: "Yep."

Dad: "Okay. We're coming right up there. We'll see you in an hour or so. The cell phone will be on if you need anything. We'll see you in about an hour."

This is how things are. I don't ever panic immediately. But as soon as I was off the phone, I started worrying a bit. I talked to Josh and he said to start my car. Eventually, we worked it out so I drove it to a place and met my parents there. I'll make this quick: The transmission went out in my car that has 237,XXX miles on all original parts except the battery. It's been determined that the car isn't worth fixing and car shopping sucks.

The weather here has been nice so I decided to ride (um. obviously). Yesterday's big project was putting the first ride on one of our yearlings. He's pretty chill. Even with spurs on, I couldn't really get him to move. I need some brilliant ideas to make today's ride more productive. At least I know he's safe. :)

Everything is Quotable

2010-11-18T01:04:00.001-06:00

~"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." -Proverbs 17:22

"They're like, 'Oh an elf, Christmas is early!'" I explained to Jenni after my shower. This conversation came about because as I opened up the door to come out of the bathroom I ran into the chest of another girl and we both made a startled noise and jumped. I am used to bumping into people's torsos; I happen to be eye level with most of them. However, most people aren't used to being bumped in the chest by something they don't see. Thus, I came up with a theory that when a short person bumps into a taller person, the taller person is more startled at being pushed by something they don't see at first. And that when they look down and see me, they must think I'm an elf at first.

Everything is quotable. It was just one of those days.

Beth and I are facebook chatting and she mentions she's watching "Up" which I've seen once and I was like, "That's a good movie." A minute later she writes, "I'm going to South America. It's like America but SOUTH!" and I got all excited because I'm going to South America in a month. So I proceeded like this:
"When are you going!
?
and when?
oh wait I just asked that
oops"
And then she explained that it was a line from the movie and I defended myself by explaining how I'd only seen it once.

Me and Zach decided to go to the gym at 10. When he came over, I showed him my homework, which was due at midnight. I had spent an hour writing a whopping sentence. He's like, "Oh what do you have to do with that?" and I said quite nonchalantly as I grabbed my iPod and keys, "Have a two-minute speech. By midnight." Zach stares at me for a minute in disbelief and then says, "Well at least you don't seem to be taking it well."

Zach: "It's alright, I have fun playing by myself." My immediate response: "twss!!!!" (That's what she said) (for reference:we were discussing playing basketball at the gym)

"Shannon's like a public library; everyone's checking her out," said Jenni, as she explained to Alex how I'm always reading books and then passing them on to others.

One of my bad habits is reading texts from last night (http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/) and today I found many entertaining entries as I was trying to stay awake in class.

(617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.-This is definitely one that is applicable to me!
(518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops. -Not relevant to me, just funny as hell.
(801): Don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy. -I was talking to Josh when I found this one, and I was laughing so hard that by the time I came to the word "weed," I was gasping and had to give the phone to Jenni so she could relay the message to Josh.
(513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. -Love the chips, hate the bag as well.

Then there was Josh talking to me when I had company in my room and was completely distracted. Bit of history: Josh moved to his college apartment yesterday and didn't have running water. Today they couldn't fix it. Present time: I'm on the phone with him and distracted by friends....(conversation from my point of view)
Josh: "blah blah:
Me: "Uh huh"
"blah blah:
"Wow that sucks..."
"blah...so what should I do?"
(without any hesitation): "Call a plumber." (where I got this answer I'll never know)
Then we were talking later, after my friends had left, and I asked him to repeat the whole conversation from earlier. He said he wasn't talking about anything, but he liked how I handled the situation.

This is pretty random but I didn't want to forget any of these quotes, or the other ones which Jenni said weren't appropriate to put on here.

Tough as Nails

2010-11-15T15:45:00.001-06:00

~Psalm 91:14-16, "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Travel nurse: "This is one option for malaria medication. The side effects are bad dreams and some people get edgy..."

Me: "Wait-what do you mean by 'edgy?' Like twitchy or something?"

Nurse: "Like...bitchy."
Me: "Oh... well we should probably look at another option then."

This is just one of the many humorous events that went down at my doctor's appointment today. She also advised me not to have indiscriminate sex like this: "This is spread by blah blah blah and indiscriminate sex... So don't do that." And she also talked to me about rabies. Like this: "I can see by the way that you're dressed that you like animals so here's the deal: don't pet any." I would make a comment about stereotyping people but she's right. :)

After discussing all the hazards of Ecuador and different vaccines I'll have to take...she also had to give me a couple of shots...a great experience for all involved. Me going to the doctor is a similar scene to when the vet comes to work on the mules. There's a lot of suspicion and protest on the part of the one being doctored. Like, she cleans off my arm and we're yakking and all of a sudden there's a needle there and I'm like (in one breath and a huge run-on sentence as I flinch away), "Hey, whoa, WAIT A MINUTE, you said to relax and I'm not relaxed yet and which one is that and are you sure that's where it goes and you're positive that I should have it?!!!"

Thank goodness Zach was there for "moral support." He and the nurse were making fun of me at this point, which I get a lot, so it's comforting, and then the shot was no problem. Of course, the shot itself is never the problem. It's the before and after that I don't like.

After the first shot, which didn't hurt at all or bleed, she proceeded to get another shot out. So after a bit of discussion about how "this one has a lot of volume and might sting 'a little'" then I did finally let her give it to me, with the agreement that I would still be able to use my arm after. This was the mother of all shots. It hurt a lot during administration and afterwards, and it bled a lot. Icky.

So the doctor appointment was for my upcoming study abroad trip in Ecuador this winter break. I have to take a lot of oral vaccines, considering the length of the trip is only ten days. I also gave in...and got the flu vaccine. The nasal spray of course. But only because I'm travelling. But I will never get the flu vaccine again unless it's required for me. Not really for any reason except I think I'm tough because I never get sick...and I'm stubborn, and tough as nails, except for my dislike of shots. :)

I could've done a lot of productive things in the time it took me to write this. But I hope you enjoyed it and that it made you laugh a little even though you probably dislike Mondays.

Just Like You-Only Prettier :)

2010-11-10T22:35:00.000-06:00

~1 Corinthians 15:58, "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

"Look at the way her wrinkles go into her neck...she looks frail!" says Jenni as Loretta Lynn takes the stage and we're discussing the puffy dress. And...Miranda Lambert just won female vocalist! This makes me happy because I love Miranda Lambert...she's so awesome! Like...she's the one I could hang out with, ride four wheelers with, get tattoos with...

Ramblings, ramblings.... Anyway, I've been thinking about things, pondering, if you will, as of late. I just finished up reading Acts 28, which is the last chapter of Acts. And Paul... he just amazes me. In fact, over the course of the past few days I decided that if I could go back in history and converse with any one person, it would be Paul. Previously to this revelation, I always thought I wanted to meet George Washington - he's a great guy and all, but mostly I wanted to meet him and thank him for Royal Gift, of course. :)

But that's all over with now. Paul is the guy I want to meet and confer with. I mean, he has this awesome revelation and turns from Saul into Paul (reference Acts 9), then he's all like, "Hey everyone, I'm gonna tell you all about Jesus whether you want to hear it or not and I am okay if I lose my life because of my convictions" (reference Acts 21:13). It's quite admirable. I find that I want to share Jesus with others, but I think it's difficult. I mean, I try to live out my life the way I should in Christ, but openly bringing up "religion" is another story. Especially because I feel like people probably judge me because they know I call my self a Christian-aka, Christ-follower, and there are certain...expectations that go with. Or I feel like they might think I'm like the people who want to be Christians as long as it doesn't mean living it out. Or maybe those people are trying like me, I don't know... But I guess it's like interviews-I'll do the best I can and hope they see me. Or rather, see Christ through me.

One thing that I've come to understand this semester is that it's ridiculous to try to be perfect. I got straight A's all through school, but didn't have a life. Now, I get...average grades...but I have a happy, full life. :) Every night I'm busy...and it's almost always cause I'm just hanging out with some amazing friends friends. And when I see my imperfections so clearly, it is easier for me to see the PERFECTIONS in my friends.

Friends... something I've come to dearly appreciate. This summer, I was far away from my fiancé, my best friend, and most of my other friends. But thanks to those pesky advances in technology, I'm closer than ever to all of them. And my friends accept me for who I am, when I mess up, when I do something to hurt them-they remain loyal, and I'm so glad to have each and every single one of them!

Today's blog title came, of course, from the Miranda Lambert song...she was the darling of the CMA's tonight and that makes me happy, so this is for her.

Here's some pictures of those friends that are oh-so-important to me (the mules are, of course, included)...

Me and my roommate Jenni

My friends Anna (on Holly) and Rylie (holding Holly)

My fiancé Josh (we're high school sweehearts)
and our mules-his mule May is on the left and mine is Razzle on the right

Grace is an Ocean

2010-11-05T02:03:00.001-05:00

~Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

"A blog about what?" asked a friend when I told her of my idea. Good question. Should I write a blog about mules? Wedding planning? Random quotes?

No, those were all lame ideas. I decided that if I were to write a blog, it would be like those free-writing activities in English class. You know, the ones where the teacher gives you paper and a pen and says, "Ten minutes. Ready, set, go!" Basically, my blog will be about whatever comes out of my fingers.

"Grace is an Ocean" came to be the title of this post because it happens to be a line in my favorite song at the minute I posted this. Yes, my favorite song literally does change minute by minute! Currently, it's David Crowder Band's "How He Loves Us."

"Pretty in Pink, Wicked in Spurs" happens to be the slogan on the shirt I most recently purchased. It came to be the title of my blog because I randomly thought of it when I was working on a class assignment earlier. (Those of you who haven't had a long conversation with me before will be surprised by the randomness inside my head.) I decided it was a good title for anything I may ever put up here.